Cross-cultural Parenting Tips
Before Leaving
Help youth build their RAFT (Reconciliation, Affirmation, Farewell and Thoughts of the destination; Pollock and Van Reken, 2001):
Upon arrival
- Consider your family and children’s needs regardless of location, like youth age and level in school. Adolescents and boys have a harder time adjusting after migration.
Help youth build their RAFT (Reconciliation, Affirmation, Farewell and Thoughts of the destination; Pollock and Van Reken, 2001):
- Promote youth to reconcile their relationships instead of leaving without fixing tensions or problems.
- Encourage youth to show affirmation for their relationships. In other words, youth should acknowledge that family, friends or coworkers are important and that they love them. A good way to do this is by sending a note or giving a goodbye gift or memento of a special shared moment.
- Prepare youth for saying farewell to their country, family, peers and special places. Making a list of things to do before leaving, like hosting a goodbye party, taking pictures with everybody, visiting special places or eating favorite food may facilitate the exit.
- Think about the destination and how things will be different, worse and better. This will prepare yourself and your children for a better adjustment.
Upon arrival
- Plan to be enriched by the experience of living in a different country. For example, be willing to try out new foods, participate in local events, learn about the history of the country and enjoy the environment. These can be fun moments of bonding.
- Connect with other immigrants or people from your ethnicity to help support you. They also help to promote youth’s bilingualism and a strong positive ethnic identity. They may also provide peer groups in which youth can express their feelings of loss, reaffirm their experiences and work through conflict.
- Allow for an adjustment period. Acknowledge child’s feelings of loss and grief of the home country.
- Allow for change and negotiation since expectations of parents and children are different between your home country and your new one. Recognize youth are managing two worlds (their parents’ and the current country of residence).
- Inform yourself about country customs and values regarding parenting and decide which ones to incorporate. Keep in mind what is beneficial for youth.
- Get information about resources for your child and family at the local, state, and national level regarding education, language, health, food, housing, etc. There are many services for immigrants regardless of their legal status, and even more for your U.S. born child.
- Assist youth in finding a positive adult mentor. They may help youth in managing conflict, aspirations, academic performance, legal issues, school and work opportunities.
- Promote youth to stay in contact with family and friends at origin. There are many quick and cheap ways to maintain communication with family abroad like through digital social media. Other ways, include letters, visits, sending gifts.
- Support adolescent diversity and individuality.
- Promote bilingualism, but be aware that uptake of the destination’s language will be high.
- Set aside time for the family and family traditions.